A Sixth Sense

Everyone learns about the five senses sometime between the tender ages of four and six. Most of us live with, and take for granted, the ability to see, hear, taste, smell and touch each and every day of our lives. I am not writing this blog post today to talk about these five "mundane" senses. No, today I am divulging something that I have kept hidden from the world for quite some time. You see, my three small children have been blessed with an extraordinary gift, for each of them possess a sixth sense.

I realize that there will be many skeptics out there, but believe you me, I have seen this sixth sense in action so many times now, that I know it cannot simply be a trick of the eyes or a passing fancy. The "force" is strongest in my oldest two, but I have begun to see the flames of the "extra-sense" flickering in my youngest; even at the tender age of two.

You might be wondering why a loving mother would "out" her children and their special gift. The truth is that I sometimes struggle with properly raising such exceptional kiddos. At other times, I feel like I need to reveal this secret to the world in order to free myself. You see, I often get the feeling that they might just have inherited this gift from yours truly. Whether I ever exhibited the momentous strength of character to soar to the heights that my children do with this gift is a question that only my parents can answer. Either way, whatever ability I once possessed to harness this gift has certainly dimmed with age to the point where there is barely an ember of it left.

So, what is this incredible sixth sense? Can my children move objects with their minds? No. Can they communicate with the spirit world? I certainly fu#*ing hope not. Are they the prospective "dog or horse whisperers" of the future? No (they can barely help feed our pets). So then, WHAT. IS. IT!?
...each one of my children has the most incredible SIXTH SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT.

If you too are wondering if your child just might have this wonderful gift, I have put together a handy questionnaire to help.

1. Do your children greet you at the door with a warm welcome of "What did you bring us?"
2. Do they break out in hives when confronted with bread crusts and apple peels?
3. Do you often wake up on the floor because you have been pushed out of YOUR bed by their sweaty little feet?
4. Do you ever think that you must be going crazy because you could have sworn that you had a $20 bill in your wallet the day before?
5. Have you begun putting off eating your dinner until your children are safely tucked in bed?
6. Do each of your kids have a pet that YOU take care of? (Why yes, Mom, that is a preposition  at the end of that there sentence!)
7. Do you often, inadvertently, find yourself standing in their way?
8. Do your children think that a stop sign consists of golden arches?
9. And last, but certainly not least, does everything they set their beautiful little eyes upon immediately become their property?

If you answered yes to at least two of the above questions, then congratulations! You sir, or madam, have a very special child with a very special gift. With proper care and encouragement they may grow up to be the first American-born heir to the British throne, or, as is the goal of my daughter, Queen of Disney World. At the very least, they are sure to enjoy a season-long reality show of their very own.

I must sign off now, as I am borrowing my four-year-old son's laptop, and he NEEDS to play a game on it because his Kindle is out of storage space.

*Dedicated to my wonderful children who, all kidding aside, mean the absolute world to me!!!